4 Steps to Set Boundaries in Relationships

Creating boundaries is essential to our mental and physical well-being and in maintaining and/or establishing healthy relationships. Boundaries define the safe and acceptable ways people can behave toward us and how we will respond when those limits are crossed.

While this is not an exhaustive list, we can set boundaries regarding our personal space, time, energy, emotions, material items, beliefs, politics, and religion. Boundaries are essentially a line in the sand we draw that communicates, “This is where I end and you begin.”

It is important to set boundaries in relationships to: 

• Improve your self-esteem.

• Practice self-respect.

• Communicate your needs and wants assertively.

• Conserve your mental and emotional energy.

How to set boundaries:

1. Identify the boundary.

   • Consider how certain behaviors in relationships affect you. Do you feel angry, sad, untrusting, or defensive? What are these emotions telling you about how you are being treated? Be honest with yourself about what you want and need.

2. Identify a consequence for crossing the boundary.

   • How will you enforce the boundary? For example, “I will not be attending social gatherings if you continue to discuss politics.” 

3. Communicate the boundary and consequence; follow through with the consequence when necessary.

   • Your boundaries need to be clearly stated. For example, “I feel frustrated when you talk over me. I will not continue to talk to you if you talk over me.” “I don’t feel comfortable with hugs. Please respect my personal space, or I will leave.” If your boundaries are disrespected, follow through with what you communicated.

4. Remind yourself that you deserve respect.

   • Some people will push back against your boundaries. This does not invalidate your need to set and enforce boundaries. 

Setting boundaries may take time and practice. You may feel uncomfortable in the beginning as you learn how to communicate and enforce healthy boundaries.

If you need help with learning more about boundaries and healthy relationships, I invite you to contact me today.